long time no see.

so a lot has changed in my life since i last posted. blogging used to take my mind off things but back in november i met a guy that took over that role.  he is someone who has changed my life and i dont wanna lose that. being myself around a guy feels right.  i dont wanna have to act a certain way just so he would like me. its like i have finally found a best friend who wont screw me over. this valentines day i wish i could be with him but sadly i cant ):

i have been opened to a whole new world ever since i met him.  i have gotten to do something i love without going to class and being miserable. just something random.

i honestly have never been happier.

stress.

so stress is too much. but its something every college student has. fuckin sucks..

you cant study cuz youre thinking about what you have to do next, cant focus on what you need to do cuz youre thinking about waking up for class tomorrow morning, try and go to the library to work but are distracted by everyone around you which stresses you out about time.

its everywhere. no matter what, youre stressed.

fuck college. let me go back to high school.

teachers and their behaviors

i dont understand what goes through teachers minds sometimes..

yes i know they have to deal with rude ass people and brown-nosed people but thats their job.  they still need to take it easy on us.

its college and i understand that but like one of my teachers gets mad that no one opens their mouth when they ask a question.  its because we dont know the answer... you never taught us! duh dumbass.

it also gets on my nerves when they repeat themselves EVERY FUCKING CLASS. yes i know to do the damn training before i do the actual homework. you tell us every fuckin time we walk in, we sit down to a computer, we open the website, we ask a question. im sorry but i fuckin get it already....... my memory is not that bad, yet.

this guy im listening to right now is too loud and he cuts you off. rude, disrespectful and confusing as fuck. over it.

well that was fun.

ch-ch-cha-changes.

so much has changed since the last time i posted.....

but the biggest thing is i lost a best friend. like ive said before i dont trust ANYONE. this is why... long story short, they are out of my life and i feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

now im just trying to focus on school but thats extremely hard when you have no motivation whatsoever.

i dont really have anyone but my parents to tell me that i can do it and to keep pushing and think about the end result: first one to graduate from college in my family..

im not sure if i really need that or not but right now i just dont ever want to go to class, do hw, study, anything. im sure a lot of students feel the same way i do though..




well aside from school my job is amazing!  i loveeeee my managers and co-workers. they are amazing women and make me feel like im right at home everytime. its the best feeling to actually look forward to going to work.. yet working with kids all the time gets to me.


i talked about this guy before as one of my best friends. he is amazing in every way.. well i finally feel like i can tell him everything and not worry about what he will think. its weird to be able to do that with someone but it feels so good. it makes me happy


ive realized living with roommates is hard, but i think im doing pretty good so far. we all get on each others nerves in one way or another but at the end of the day i love them and glad i have them there all the time.  living on my own has been hard but whenever i am homesick, i call my mommy and she makes everything better (:

speaking of my mom, she is absolutely amazing. i really dont know how shes dealed with me for 19 years........ she is my best friend, hands down. i wouldnt be able to get through anything without her. she is my wall, she is my shoulder to cry on, she is my conscious.  i dont know what i would do if she wasnt in my life.


okay so i guess this is a random one but its whatever. random is good. okay well bye.

been a while..

so its been a while since i have been on here.. ive been doing a lot with friends trying to get all my "chill time" in. ive been partyin it up but now its catching up to me. i havent packed, i havent finished my laundry, i havent cleaned my room.

fuck all that.

im just ready to move out! i love my family but im ready to be on my own finally.. plus im going back to some of my best friends ever.

its bout to be craaaazzzyyyy!

music.

so lately music has been fitting how i feel perfectly. i have been obsessed with a different song everyday, depending on how im feeling. i feel it may be a little weird but who gives a fuck? i really wanna write a song but the words just dont come to me like other people.

ive been missing someone and i dont think i should be.. well it fit a song amazingly that i heard on the radio. sadly i dont remember what song it was :/

anyways. thought i would just let you know.

being a rebel.

i was told i should be a rebel for once, i dont think i can do that.  yes i have rebelled in certain ways but im scared to rebel so much against my parents.

yessss im 19 but screw getting bitched at and everything. i dont wanna deal with all that. its too much, so i just keep my mouth shut sometimes.  granted i need people to hear my opinion a lot but i know when to just keep my thoughts to myself.

maybe someday i will "learn" how to rebel.