being a rebel.

i was told i should be a rebel for once, i dont think i can do that.  yes i have rebelled in certain ways but im scared to rebel so much against my parents.

yessss im 19 but screw getting bitched at and everything. i dont wanna deal with all that. its too much, so i just keep my mouth shut sometimes.  granted i need people to hear my opinion a lot but i know when to just keep my thoughts to myself.

maybe someday i will "learn" how to rebel.

this is not what i expected from life.

life is so different than what i thought it would be like.

i knew it wouldnt be butterflies and rainbows but i didnt expect it to be as difficult and frustrating as it is.  everyday seems like a struggle. i thought it would somehow be a little easier, boy was i wrong.

its hard to push through all the shit that comes up in my life. i know other people have it much worse than me but im pretty sure ive been through a lot, most things no one knows about.

life is a battle and i have yet to get a weapon. im far behind.

someone new.

so i had a status before about wanting to talk to new people and this guy liked it. i had met him before but never really talked to him.

well we started talking and strangely had a lot in common.. it was amazing to actually meet someone you have so much in common with.  we hung out a few times then he left :/

i like talking to him but i dont act myself around him. why? i dont get it. but he said i seem shy but anyone who knows me knows im not shy at all. its so weird.. can anyone explain it to me??

trail of shit.

so ive talked about this town and how its terrible, well tonight was a prime example.

this is how shit works here:

1. people meet.
2. they chill.
3. someone gets jealous.
4. that person starts a rumor.
5. one person tells another who tells 5 more people who tell 10 more people and so on..
6. it gets back to the subject of the rumor.
7. confrontation happens.
8. welcome to hell.

any questions?

old movies.

i LOVE watching old movies.  they bring back so many memories.

right now im watching spy kids. i remember when i first got the dvd i watched it 7 times. i was obsessed. that was so long ago.. yet since im such a big kid i really dont care.

i love watching old shows too, even though they def. dont have the same affect on me.  it reminds me of all the fun times i had drawing and guessing what Blue was trying to tell us with his clues.

i miss my childhood.

new guy.

so my parents are so funny.. sometimes. theres a new guy they hired and hes a black guy with well kept dreads. they told me when they first hired him that i wasnt allowed to work when he was. bullshit.

well today was his first day and no one let me forget it.. im a nice person, i cant help but introduce myself. ive been the new person and its hard to fit in. well everytime i tried to go work in the back where he was someone gave me shit about it. sorry yall but i cant help you hired someone i would be attracted to.

too bad im leaving soon.. but until then, i guess ill make a new friend (:

dudes. and chicks.

guys. they are either a hit or miss. they are either sweet or assholes. they are either honest or bullshit to get some ass.

i like the guys that can actually hold a conversation with you and its not just about one thing.  i like talking about life and interesting shit. guys are the best friends you can ever have, if you find the right ones.

somehow i can never get over how males dont really give a shit about anything life females do. they are more easy going and its amazing. it makes me wonder why females gotta be so uptight.

that brings me to my next thought. females.

why the HELL are we so complicated? theres no reason to be.

somehow everything that happens to use is a tragedy. all of us with boobs need to build a bridge and get the fuck over it. yes i included me in that. i admit im a female who tends to be a little complicated.  but i know when to stop.

this world has turned to females fighting and crying over every fucking thing. its terrible.

just something random.

sometimes i just feel like writing about my day. when i lay in bed at night i reflect on what happened hours before then..

today i realized i sleep too much. i woke up at like 9 yet decided to go back to sleep until noon. i guess i should probably stop that. i need to go to sleep earlier and make sure i get up at a reasonable hour.

at work, i got bitched at for the dumbest shit. then after not getting a lot of hours, she brings in old employees that quit to help with new line. that pissed me off. like seriously im a college student, i need all the money i can get! ugh.. shit pissed me off.

i chilled with someone new, and that is always interesting. you get to know someone new and its all nice and fresh. even though its awkward at first every time you hang out with them it gets better and better. sadly we are both going two different ways real soon. like 2 days from now.  well it was nice while it lasted i guess?

anyways. now i cant stop watching movies, texting people, and playing the question game on facebook. great night right?

this town.

this town is a hell hole. anyone who experiences the life in this town regrets it an hour later.. im so ready to move back to school. theres nothing to do ever. plus everyone here knows everyone, and exactly whats going on in your life. FUCK THAT.

no one needs to know whats going on in my life except for the people who are close to me and actually care.  ive known all the people in this terrible town since elementary school... im sorry but i dont care about yall.  im ready to get back to the place i feel i belong. the place i fit in. the place where people arent nosey assholes.

im ready to get back to my home.

oh the talks i have with you...

so a person who shall not be named and i have interesting talks.. they always say im difficult but i say its fun (: well anyways we were talking about someone coming to ecu this year or whatever and our conversation about it made me realize i can actually be open about shit with certain people.. strange

but our conversations mainly include one subject and we tend to never get off it. but somehow i cant help but wanna talk to them. weird?

fake vs. real.

so the past few weeks i feel like ive been around a lot of eastern NC. ive gone to see my friends, get a job during the school year, plan out my classes, and just chill.  well i realized i have amazing people in my life and then others are just full of shit.  ive realized i need to filter out the fake ones and stick to the ones who actually care and are sincere. people have told me its something i should do but i like the assume the best.  ive gotten fucked over too many times in my life so i realized its time. im in a new phase in my life so no time is better than the present.

just thought id share (:

time flies

time goes by so fast. i just realized that this morning. last thing i remember is trying to wake up early enough to not miss the bus. i hated a lot of the kids at the bus stop cuz they would talk so much and it was only 6am. my brain wasnt ready for all that..

anyways, i realized that in only 3 years or so i will be graduating from college, starting my life in the real world, and not depending on mom and dad for really anything. thats some scary shit.

i think i just want time to slow down every so often so i can take in everything thats happening in my life. too bad that will never happen, but i guess i can just keep hoping.

working at the mall.

you interact with the strangest people while working at the mall. its like the center of everything.. today for instance a lady came into the store. i knew she worked at the mall or whatever but i knew she wasnt coming to buy anything. she asked me if i know anyone with brown hair and blue eyes in their 20s. uhhh idk.. probably so but i dont stare people down that much. it was the weirdest thing ive ever been asked while at work....

anyways, its funny to see who walks past the store and shit. i get some laughs even though that sounds really messed up. but honestly if you come to the mall in a costume, you will get nothing but looks.

well the next time you go to the mall, i think you should look at everyone in there. i bet you laugh at least once (:

road rage.

i have terrible road rage.. i cant stand when people drive slow in the "fast lane," and when people dont brake until the last minute. ughh.. i think i get it from my dad though so its not my fault. i will scream at them, curse at them, flick them off, but of course they never hear me. my friends who ride with me think im crazy but oh well. at least they have a ride (:

im not sure how to take care of my road rage. if you have any suggestions, let me know!

reading people.

i can read people. its crazy.. a lot of people can read body language but i can learn soooo much about someone by just meeting them. it might be kinda weird but i think its pretty cool. i guess sometimes i read more into peoples energies. im not sure if i can go anywhere with it but its something that helps know who to get to know more and who to avoid.. negative people tend to always give off a vibe. that vibe is contagious. no bueno..


should i get more involved with my social and psychology skills?

me and my sleep.

so my sleep is crucial.. if i dont get un-interuppted sleep at night i will NOT be rainbows and butterflies the next day.  ive said before that i love meeting new people, well i meet people through people but last night that wasnt a good idea. this asshole calls me 10 fuckin times. once almost every hour. what the fuck do you want that cant wait for a damn hour? i dont know first of all. giving you my number indirectly was a huge mistake, and no i dont wanna come over. YOU FUCKED WITH MY SLEEP. why the hell would i come over a that point? please get real.

anyways.. i sleep a lot but its not because i dont have anything else to do but someone most likely interuppted it the night before. i love sleep. its the only real part of the day that i can relax and just think. yes, sometimes if i am texting someone and the conversation is real good, ill text through the night. but if all you say is "LOL" then fuck that. okay. imma go sleep now (: jk.

facebook.

so everyone knows facebook. if you dont, pleaseeeee just stop reading because you wont understand.

i love facebook, dont get me wrong, its great. especially to keep in touch with people that you normally couldnt or wouldnt. but the thing that bothers me is it changes everyday. yes thats exagerating but seriously (oh and i cant spell but you understand it.) its hard to keep up. i try so hard but sometimes i just say fuck it. i tried the whole twitter thing but i just dont have that much to really do on there. i guess it works for some people but nooootttt for tessa j.

anyways.. i think it was amazingly smart to create it but people use it for the wrong reasons. if only it was used for the right reasons, everyone would use it.

damn that was confusing but i get what im saying and i hope you do too haha (:

netflix.

so i get bored and decide to just see whats on netflix but theres nothing good. most of the shit they put on there is movies made by 13 year olds. i pay for this and theres not shit to watch. kinda pisses me off.. ive been down graded to disney shows that are all about the same thing. this may not sound bad some some but others might agree that im older and dont really enjoy watching kids who cant act and concepts that arent interesting. i wish someone would please fix this problem. netflix needs updating. thank you (:

racist against my own race?

so theres been controversy over me only being interested and attracted to black guys. some say thats impossible, others say im racist. i really dont get it. im white, like seriously, if i was racist i guess im racist against my own race.. what the fuck. i dont care what people think though. i just think its funny how people say shit like that.. im sorry i cant help that i dont get excited over white guys. they just arent cute or sexy or anything to me. i havent always been like that but i cant change it so it is what it is. my parents accept it so why cant everyone else? oh well. i guess ill just have cute little mixed babies ((: okay. im done. you can leave your opinion but i just probably wont agree.

i guess you might wanna know a little about me?

honestly im cool as hell if you get to know me.. most people dont get that far.  i keep shit to myself cuz you really cant trust anyone, even if you think theyre your "best friend." i love dancing but miss it terribly.. i dont know if ill ever start back again. im a city chick, even though ive never really lived in one. i absolutely loveeeee music. its the only true thing that gets me through the day.  i hate shit talkers, even though people tend to think that i am one. sorry yall, you start it yourselves.  i dont know how it happens but i always get put into the middle of drama. i dont wanna hear your shit, i got my own to take care of.  people hurt me more than i wish they would. youll never see it because like i said i keep everything to myself. i learned the hard way not to let anyone in completely.  no one knows the real me except for my parents. they actually took the time to figure me out. maybe someday someone else will.. im not depressing i just tend to say how shit is. im a big kid at heart and i have fun with everything i do. i go to the perfect school for me and yes i party too hard but hey, im a pirate; its what we do (: <3 this is my last summer living at home and im scared shitless. im about to live with 3 amazing girls and i cant wait! theres no turning back in life so i never regret anything i do. my favorite quote is: "shit will happen but you just keep pushing through." like i said, any questions just ask (:

lets get some things straight.

so first things first: i never capitalize my shit because that takes too long to hold the shift key while reaching for the letter.. second: yes i curse. i dont know really anyone who doesnt, sorry if that offends anyone. third: i started this because i always have shit on my mind but theres no one to tell it to.

anyways... you might be thinking why the hell is it named the not so exciting life? well the answer is thats how i feel. someone told me before my life was glorious. ummmm farthest thing from the truth. yes i dont just sit around all day and play video games or watch movies but still, im a lazy ass and when im home yes i do just watch movies or get on the computer.

i need a new hobby so thats why i also thought writing shit down might take the time off my hands. i loveee meeting new people, and they are the only reason i get through the day sometimes. i get bored of people fast.. i know that sounds terrible but im just being honest. if i dont keep meeting new people then i get frustrated and push everyone away and keep to myself.

thats enough for the intro. any questions just ask (: